“She’s Just Emotional”: The Silent Cost of Ignoring Women’s Pain

It starts in the waiting room, not with the pain itself, but with the doubt.

A woman describes her symptoms.

She’s been in agony for weeks, maybe months.

But the doctor barely looks up.

“It might just be stress,” he says.

“You’re probably just a bit run down.”

She leaves with a referral to counselling - and no answers.

If you’re a woman, this might sound familiar. If you work in healthcare, you’ve likely seen it happen. And if you’re a holistic practitioner, you’ve probably been the one who finally listened.

The phrase “She’s just emotional” has long been used to downplay, dismiss, or distort women’s experience of pain. It’s a lazy shorthand for “not serious,” a subtle but damaging way of saying “you’re exaggerating.” But what gets lost in the space between symptom and stereotype can be life-altering, even life-threatening.

This article explores the gender pain gap and its hidden toll. More importantly, it asks: how can we do better? And could holistic, trauma-informed, whole-person care be part of the answer?

What Is the Gender Pain Gap?

The gender pain gap refers to the persistent disparity in how pain is experienced, perceived, and treated based on gender. Research shows that women are more likely to live with chronic pain conditions but are also more likely to have their pain dismissed or attributed to psychological causes. This can lead to delays in diagnosis, inadequate treatment, and a deep erosion of trust in healthcare. Osborne and Davis (2022) highlight that both biological and sociocultural factors contribute to these differences, and that gender bias in clinical settings plays a key role in shaping patient outcomes. Despite reporting more frequent and intense pain, women are often undertreated, a pattern that reflects not just physiology but systemic inequities in care.

The Emotional Label: How It Harms

Labelling women as “emotional” when they express pain is more than just a dismissive stereotype, it has real and damaging consequences for their healthcare. This emotional label often leads to the minimization of women’s symptoms, causing healthcare providers to underestimate the severity of their pain or attribute it to psychological rather than physical causes.

Samulowitz et al. (2018) describe how gender bias in healthcare can result in women being perceived as overly dramatic or less credible, a perception deeply rooted in societal gender norms that expect women to be more emotionally expressive and men to be stoic. This bias, sometimes called the “gender pain bias,” contributes to delayed diagnoses, inadequate pain management, and increased suffering for women. Recognizing and challenging this emotional label is essential to ensuring equitable and effective care for all patients experiencing pain.

The Hidden Cost

Chronic pain takes a significant emotional toll on many women, affecting their mood, relationships, and overall quality of life. Women suffering from persistent pain often experience feelings of frustration, sadness, and social isolation, which can worsen their physical symptoms and create a vicious cycle of suffering. According to recent research, chronic pain notably disrupts emotional wellbeing, with many women reporting negative impacts on mood, sleep, and social connections (Pandelani et al., 2023). This emotional burden highlights the importance of a holistic approach to pain management, one that addresses not only physical symptoms but also the psychological and social factors affecting a woman’s health.

A Holistic Alternative

Conventional pain management often centres on medication and isolated treatments, which may not fully address the complex nature of chronic pain experienced by many women. A holistic approach considers the whole person, integrating physical, emotional, psychological, and social factors that influence pain and its impact on daily life. This broader perspective encourages collaboration among all stakeholders, including patients, healthcare providers, and support networks, to create a more personalized and effective pain management plan.

Kress et al. (2015) argue that meaningful change in chronic pain management requires involving all these stakeholders to address the multidimensional aspects of pain. Their work highlights that a truly holistic strategy goes beyond symptom control to improve quality of life by incorporating therapies such as cognitive-behavioural therapy, physical rehabilitation, lifestyle modifications, and patient education. This comprehensive approach aligns closely with holistic health principles, promoting sustainable relief and empowering women to regain control over their wellbeing.

What Women Need

LeResche (2011) highlights that clinicians’ gender stereotypes and unconscious biases may affect how women's pain is diagnosed and managed, resulting in significant disparities in care. What women need is a more attentive, empathetic, and individualized approach to pain management, one that acknowledges their lived experience and addresses the multidimensional nature of pain. Holistic care models that integrate physical, psychological, and social support can better meet these needs, empowering women to achieve more effective and compassionate pain relief.

Conclusion

The gender pain gap is a silent crisis that demands our immediate attention. For too long, women’s pain has been met with doubt, dismissal, and damaging stereotypes. Barriers that prevent them from receiving the care and compassion they deserve. But change is possible. By rejecting outdated biases and embracing holistic, trauma-informed care, we can transform the way pain is understood and treated. It’s time to listen, to validate, and to act, because only when we truly acknowledge women’s pain can we begin to heal the deep wounds it leaves behind.

“The courage to listen can change a lifetime of pain into a future of hope.” - Robyn Doolan.

Written by Robyn Doolan, BSc Hons, RN

Disclaimer:

The information provided in this article is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. It should not be used to diagnose or treat any health condition. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional before making any changes to your pain management or treatment plan. The perspectives shared reflect current research and understanding but may not apply to every individual’s unique situation.

References

• Kress, H. G., Aldington, D., Alon, E., Coaccioli, S., Collett, B., Coluzzi, F., … Sichère, P. (2015). A holistic approach to chronic pain management that involves all stakeholders: Change is needed. Current Medical Research and Opinion, 31(9), 1743–1754. https://doi.org/10.1185/03007995.2015.1072088

• LeResche, L. (2011). Defining gender disparities in pain management. Clinical Orthopaedics and Related Research, 469(7), 1871–1877. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11999-010-1759-9

• Osborne, N. R., & Davis, K. D. (2022). Sex and gender differences in pain. International Review of Neurobiology, 164, 277–307. https://doi.org/10.1016/bs.irn.2022.06.013

• Pandelani, F. F., Nyalunga, S. L. N., Mogotsi, M. M., & Mkhatshwa, V. B. (2023). Chronic pain: Its impact on the quality of life and gender. Frontiers in Pain Research, 4, 1253460. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpain.2023.1253460

• Samulowitz, A., Gremyr, I., Eriksson, E., & Hensing, G. (2018). “Brave men” and “emotional women”: A theory-guided literature review on gender bias in health care and gendered norms towards patients with chronic pain. Pain Research and Management, 2018, Article ID 6358624. https://doi.org/10.1155/2018/6358624

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